Survive The Affair And Save Your Marriage NOW

It is never too late to start the healing in the case of an affair or to rekindle the fire in a dead end marriage.

If you are on the edge of a divorce or would like to know how to survive the affair then you have to take action in order to save your marriage. It is not easy but you can survive the affair and build a marriage that is even stronger.

If your marriage just seem to have withered away or you just drifted apart for whatever reason, you can still save your marriage even if you think that all is lost.

There are numerous reasons for a marriage to fail but more often than not it is as a result of the following :

	Cheating spouse
	Failure to communicate
	Falling out of love
	Lack of romance
	Sex

  

The most devastating of these are without a doubt a cheating spouse - This will give rise to a variety of negative emotions like :

	Devastation
	Sadness
	Shock
	Anger
	Anxiety
	Fear
	Resentment
	Helplessness
	Self doubt
	Feelings of abuse
	Betrayal

The list goes on...

Let us look at the subject of infidelity.

It is an unfortunate reality that infidelity can and will ruin many marriages. There are always serious repercussions associated with betrayal. Many couples will find that they live in constant fear and mistrust after an affair. Infidelity is almost always used as a quick fix for very complicated issues. It boosts the self-esteem of the cheater by being admired by someone and it provides the cheater with a short term "high".

There are different types of infidelity but the two main types can be described as emotional- and sexual infidelity. Sexual infidelity is self explanatory but emotional infidelity can be tricky to identify. The rule of thumb is this : If you can not comfortably do or say it in front of your partner, then you are probably breaking the trust relationship with your partner.

There are actually cultures in the past and present that tolerates more than one partner and some of them even encourage multiple partners, but we want to honor the wedding vows and give you some advice and resources to survive the affair and as a result, you will be in a position to save your marriage.

There are three phases involved with the discovery of an affair :

First Phase : The Discovery

Whenever a spouse realises that their partner is having an affair, it immediately results in a marital crisis. The betrayed partner will feel violated and will be engulfed in anger, rage, distrust and depression. However, it is not only the betrayed partner that will experience a rush of emotions, the cheater might exhibit emotions like fear, remorse, anger, shame and even violence. This may feel like the end of the world but these emotions are natural and they will not last forever. It is important not to rush to any marital decisions during this phase. 

Second Phase : Dealing with the Infidelity

After the initial confrontation, couples will become more reflective and this is also an important time to try and gain perspective. This is a very volatile phase where couples will blame each other and a lot of unresolved issues and hurt will be revealed. At this stage it is important for the couple to come to terms with the affair if they wish to survive the affair.

The cheating spouse should immediately break all contact with his or her lover and make a renewed commitment to his or her spouse to ensure future integrity and trust. The cheater must offer a very sincere apology and continue to do so for as long as it takes to save the marriage.

The cheater should answer all legitimate questions during this phase such as the possibility of having contracted STD's or AIDS and should agree to be tested for these.

Now is the time to start to investigate the individual and couple dynamics that could have resulted in the affair. A couple needs to now move away from blame and despair to a point where they realize that the marriage can in fact survive the affair. 

The cheating spouse should guard against giving too explicit details about the affair and should concentrate on only providing the necessary detail to his or her spouse to prevent the situation from becoming even more traumatic for the cheated spouse.

Third Phase : Rebuilding the Marriage

If you can reach this stage, then chances are good that you will be able to save your marriage. This stage is all about how to rebuild trust and honesty and must be based on mature love and not romantic love. Mature love involves realistic expectations and responsibility and also the ability to accept the other's weaknesses and strengths. This stage is also about showing care and the ability to handle conflicts in a mature manner.

The ultimate goal here is to leave the past behind by accepting what has happened and to let go of resentment. Probably the biggest factor in it all is your ability to forgive your spouse in order to survive the affair and save your marriage.

Survive the Affair and Rediscover Yourself

Your partner's infidelity has in a twisted way given you the opportunity to assess your life - discover your needs and your identity. Having spent years in your marriage, you may have lost sight of the person you once were.

You are now caught up in the emotional devastation as a result of your spouse's infidelity. Thanks for destroying my life you selfish $#%%*, right ? You thought that you knew your spouse and felt secure in your relationship. You thought you knew yourself. All that you know now is that you are feeling lost and alone and you have a burning desire to rediscover yourself.

The person that your husband or wife cheated with is generally not :

	More talented
	An expert in the bedroom
	Smarter
	Better looking

These are now unfortunately the thoughts that keep on haunting you. This causes you to doubt yourself and even your self-worth. We can never really know another person's heart and why they chose to be unfaithful. The cheater can in most cases never even give a valid reason why they chose to cheat.

How do you rediscover yourself ?

When your world has been turned upside down by your partner's infidelity, it may literally feel that you have to start from scratch.

There are 3 critical steps that you must take before you can undertake your new journey and survive the emotional turmoil and save your marriage.

Step 1: Face the pain of his/her infidelity

Right now, you hurt a lot. The pain and emotional discomfort that you experience are no less stressful than physical pain. You need to accept that you can't ignore, evade or escape the emotional pain. You have to deal with it. It will be uncomfortable but this acknowledgement is your first step towards healing.

Step 2: Gain Perspective

Infidelity victims admit that they are being haunted by the idea that the paramour was somehow better than they are. You can drive yourself crazy when you start to think about this and you may find yourself almost incapable of shutting these thoughts out. Like a moth to a flame - these thoughts keep on circling in your mind. It will take some time to work through these thoughts and deal with the chaos in your mind.

Your perspective will be somewhat warped in this condition - you have to accept it, it is normal. You will in time again regain your normal perspective.

Step 3: Formulate a Relief Plan 

Acknowledgement of the negative and painful thoughts and emotions is only part of the solution. If you allow the negative thoughts to continue , they will slowly drain you of all your energy and the likelihood that you will suffer from severe depression increases. Process the negativity in order to get rid of it.

Take "relief" breaks. This can be something like lunches/dinner with friends, getting out of the house and exercise. It boils down to this - you need to realise there is a whole world out there and that you can again feel part of that world. You can and will get over the affair and you will regain your lust for life.

If you need help then please look at this amazing program that will assist both the victim and the cheater to survive the affair.

If you are on the edge of a divorce and you wish to not only save your marriage but make it even better than before, then this "save your marriage" course will help you achieve this.

Conclusion 

Why do we hurt each other as husband and wife? Why do two people who have committed to love each other for a lifetime, sometimes forget each other, ignore each other, or turn on each other? Because every marriage is made up of two imperfect people who are sometimes thoughtless, insensitive, unkind, or downright selfish.

Every marriage has its share of relational misunderstandings and mistakes, clashes and cold shoulders, sharp words and shouting matches that result in pain. And sometimes it's more than a head on collusion causing major damage - such as betrayal, unfaithfulness, or abuse. It does not matter how deeply you and your spouse love each other, conflict and hurt at some level are inevitable. It is not a question of if, only when.

So what do you do when it happens? How do you respond when a conflict brings hurt to you, your spouse or both of you? Many couples don't know what to do. It is vital to seek guidance in order to save your marriage and this is especially true if there was a betrayal and you wish to survive the affair.

Take action today, before it is too late. Every marriage is worth saving but in order to succeed, you need to take action. Dr. Frank Gunzburg is a widely acclaimed marriage counselor that can assist you in the comfort of your own home by downloading his excellent courses on how to save your marriage as well as  how to survive an affair.    

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